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SHOWING UP IS ALSO IMPORTANT IN A TRAGEDY AND MEANS ALOT TO THOSE EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF THE TRAGEDY!

Published: Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Everyday we hear news and read terrible things in the papers and its always for someone else's family that we are reading about it, and never really think perhaps that could be our family. We feel sad for the other families that the incident happened to, but do we realize that it could happen in our own family?

I guess I was one of those people reading the news and thinking how sad I was for the other people and never dreaming that perhaps my own family would be touched with a tragedy and then all of a sudden it happens, you get that call in the early wee hours that changes your life and at the same time is life changing for your family.

This past Saturday early AM I received a call from my son Ed in Vista, CA who said "Mom I hate to call you so early with this news but we tried to reach you earlier and you did not have your cell phone and we did not want to leave a message", At that moment my heart was beating hard and I was on edge to hear the rest of the news, wondering who and what had happened but I knew it was something bad. He proceeded to tell me that my daughter Lisa in LA had tried to reach me and was on a plane with her husband to Virginia to be with my other daughter Lori and he children Joey and Jessica as her husband had just shot himself.

What made the story more prolific is that he had tried to shot my daughter first. It started when he was fighting with her, and shoved her into the fireplace at their home and she ran upstairs and barricaded herself in the bedroom getting a suitcase to pack clothes to get out of the house, he ran to his room and got a gun. Their daughter Jessica who is 15 heard the commotion and called the police, he broke down the door and was going to shot my daughter, but his daughter stepped between him and the mother and said Dad the police are on their way put the gun down, he then, shoved his daughter to the ground, turned ran down the stairs and out of the house and into his truck. As he was leaving the police were pulling up and chased him about a mile before they got him to pull over, as they were walking to the car they heard a gunshot and he had put the magnum 357 to his head which blew everything out and killed him instantly.

The police then proceeded to go back to the house and tell my daughter what happened and to get the story of what had transpired that day to lead up to this terrible ending. It seems he was drinking all day and had been desponded because his business was down and I guess many other things so decided to kill his wife, thank god the daughter stepped in. She was his favorite and had a way with her dad so we pretty much are sure other than pushing her out of the way that he would not shot her. What a brave girl she was as she really saved her moms life as he would of shot her if the daughter had not stepped in and also had she not called the cops, we are also grateful the son was not at home as had he stepped in he probably would of shot him and the mom.

My daughter did not know he had a gun and when they searched his room they found bullets and also a 22 rifle and bullets. Its amazing that you can live with someone 18 years and really not know everything about them.

In those small instances lives were changed, the kids lost a father, my daughter lost a husband but probably kept her life as he was on a mission to kill her, and he also would of probably killed the son as well if he was home as he would of jumped in to help his mom. Their lives are changed, there is anger as to why he did such a thing, and they fear what the next steps will be for their family. They probably will not be able to stay in the house, which is the house the kids have lived in most of their lives, as although my daughter has a good job she would not be able to afford the house on her own with the way the mortgage industry jacked up the mortgage rates, and they probably did not have a clause that the house was paid off if one person died, and then also with suicide it does not always cover things. He has a life insurance, but again will it pay for suicide, the policy is 17 years old so perhaps that will let it be paid which would help the family, but perhaps not. They have to face the future of asking themselves why would their dad and husband do such a thing, what triggered it, is it the economy that has touched so many families and some are able to handle it more than others or what?

Now they must plan for a funeral that will take place on Friday, thank goodness my other daughter from LA and her husband were able to just jump on a plane and be there to help her and her family through all these difficult times, My daughter Lori has so many people that have rallied to be there for her, my daughter Lisa said over 180 people showed up on Sunday bringing food and love to the family, the police sent in grief counselors to help the kids and her cope with this tragedy. It will be a long healing process for all of them, The kids also have many friends that are there for them, but I am sure when they go to sleep at night they are asking themselves why and what is the future to bring for them.

My daughter has worked for a great company for 18 years and they have set up a college trust fund for the kids so that is great, as those college years will be here soon as the son will be a senior next year and the daughter a sophomore. My daughters large group of friends come from her work, being the soccer mom, basketball mom, cheerleader mom and more as she was always SHOWING UP to support her kids no matter what they did even though she has a very busy job as a Senior VP of a very large company her family always came first.

I am leaving for VA either Wed or Thursday to be there for the funeral and to support my daughter and the kids and feel so helpless that I cannot make what happened go away so that my daughter and her children do not feel all the pain she and her family are going through now,. But I can't so all I can do is be her mother and pray that each day gets easier for them. These last few days have been hard even for me, as a mother does not want their children to experience pain let alone a tragedy like this, but one thing I learned from this is that tragedy can strike us all, we pray it does not but it could and we have to just rally around the issue when it happens and pray for those that it happened to as they need all our prayers. In talking to Lori yesterday she said "Mom thank god Lisa is here as I have no idea all the things I have to attend to, funeral, insurance, social security and so much more". I guess we never think about all the things that one must have to take care of if someone dies until it happens so perhaps we should take time in our lives to say what if and look at what we would need to be prepared to do.

So how does all this fit into my blog title, It's All About SHOWING UP. I believe in many ways, we need to always SHOW UP to spend time with our families and if there is a tragedy we need to SHOW UP to lend them support, so many people already have SHOWED UP in this story, my granddaughter who SHOWED UP, and took charge which stopped the tragedy being even worse, my daughter and her husband from LA who SHOWED UP to help my daughter and her family get through this all, the grief counselors that SHOWED UP to help them get through this, the 180+ people that SHOWED UP to bring food and support on Sunday and so much more and also all the people that will keep SHOWING UP in their lives to get them through this as the road ahead will not be that easy.

So remember none of us are invincible , tragedy can hit us all and its our faith and the people around us that make getting through it so much easier. I know my For You/NAFE members and friends have totally been there for me during this time and I am so grateful that they are in my life as its made it easier for me to remain strong for my daughter and the rest of my family. One of my clients is gifting me the airline ticket so I can fly to Virginia and be there with my family so Bryan is SHOWING UP in my life to touch my families life as well and I am so touched by him doing that.

Remember families are our most precious gifts in life, so cherish them, SHOW UP to spend time with them, love them and be there for them. SHOWING UP is like a treasure map and one never knows all the treasures they might find, my daughter is experiencing great treasures of friendship in her time of need and I am most grateful to everyone and grateful to you for taking time to read my blog and remember to never take anything for granted as life is fragile , take time for you and love those around you...

Visitor Comments ( 2 ) | Post a Comment

Posted by: TC Leary
Monday, June 21, 2010 @ 7:41:21 PM

Want to thank you this post. A wonderful reminder to let those we love know it. Also how important it is to Show Up in the face of tragedy. I forced myself to come to last month's meeting in the face of what seemed overwhelming. The support from the group has been powerful reminder that there is help out there if you Show Up & ask.

Posted by: Martha Eldridge
Friday, May 07, 2010 @ 3:27:37 PM

Know that we care.

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